dont judge the character until you're fully submerged.

lets face it, i'm not the perfectest crayon in the box. i've made a lot of mistakes, and i don't live a fairy tale life. there's only so much of a personae i can spin to look like she's got it all together - after all, as a PR, that's my job.

i've got a signature pose like every other girl on facebook, i worry about weight and diet, i'm a prolific video game master (i can wax poetically in squaresoft, sony, nintendo and microsoft), and i can turn on 'the bitch' in less than a heartbeat when i have to. i can also turn on the angel and the bargaining diva in the same amount of time.

i think people sometimes see an angle of me where it may seem superficial with earthly matters, with my sometimes expensive taste, but truly, i feel that i'm nothing without a bargain. there are times where i wish i could be a paris hilton, where i can shop at high end stores to waste away the hours of my day, but at the same time, i'm so grateful that i wont have that opportunity because it keeps me grounded and work hard for my money.

and when i work hard for my money and i make a big purchase, it makes it feel that much better.

people also see an angle of me as being a quiet person. i dont find it that way, i'm reflective and i choose the battles i need to fight and let go of the ones that aren't worth my strain, stress and voice. i've never thought of myself as 'quiet', but possibly, quietly scheming?

i think people also have the mistake of judging people by their initial character or what they let on, and unfortunately for them, they never see the gem that people can really be.

i know a handful of people who can see past the mess of a person and find a real diamond in the rough, and thankfully, these people are my friends. and maybe thats why they found me or maybe how i found them? to me, they are all beautifully flawed and i couldn't ask for anything more than what they are.

i hope that people look past their initial thoughts on the people surrounding them and find the gems that people can really be.

*end rant*

the big move

so i figure it would be healthy for me to document my big move.

yes i'm moving.

we decided on a perfect little slice of heaven in yaletown, around the middle of january. the first time we looked at it, i was already loving it but brian, being the more reasonable one of the two of us, suggested that we look at other places. so we looked and looked - no one answered our phone calls, so we decided to fill in the form and see what happens, i was wondering whether we'd get it or not but we would leave it to fate.

then, we received a phone call about signing a lease and it seemed like it happened so fast. i'm happy that my dad came to view the place before we signed the lease and we got the thumbs up from him.

so after that, my dad went crazy giving me everything for my new place : plates, cutlery, cups, mugs, rice, sugar, canned goods, you name it, he gave it to me.

i think the hardest part is packing my stuff because there's this looming feeling that i'm leaving - and although i'm so excited to move out, the reality is scary and sad because i've never been living on my own without my parents and i'm going to miss them dearly when i go.

god i can't even imagine if i moved all the way to toronto, i wonder how upset i would be!

anyway i hope that my parents come to visit me often and that i get to visit their place as much as i can.

i can't believe how much crap i have, i threw so much away but it seems like there's just more crap thats important to me than there is garbage. i feel awful because i dont want to clutter our brand new apartment with my junk, but for the time being, until i can get a chest of drawers and my desk and a filing cabinet, it will be a bit of an eye sore.

brian and i have been busy bees as of recently, in between work we are working on slowly moving into the apartment. the kitchen is set up and i just need to clean it up and buy some stuff for the fridge (monday). we went around today looking for beds and couches, we found a pretty affordable one in the brick (a bed ANd a sexy couch) - but my dad scored us a pretty nice deal at the bay so after much deliberation, we're going with the bay. the couch is out of stock so who knows when that'll come in, but we'll keep looking around for that.

i think the move is opening our eyes a little wider and we are starting to realize what the 'real' world is. we both are treading carefully in the waters, i know because we're both really tired from moving and working. but there are so many problems that need to be dealt with, hopefully they will be dealt with very soon.

anyway, thats all my thoughts for now. i have lots to do but i wanted to blog a bit about it and hopefully i'll continue to blog about my experience a bit more during the move.

happy new years

happy new years everyone.

i was reading one of my feeds and one of them was telling the story of richard roeper asking oprah a question that she was completely dumbfounded for any sort of answer.

and i want to pose this question.

what do you know for sure?

facebook celebrity

facebook, in a perverse way, has made us into our own celebrity. since it's conception and our submission to its power, we have been growing up in the public's eye - no more different than your regular celebrity (if there is such thing).

our breakups, our friendships, accomplishments, goals, and even what we have for dinner is up for a conversation starter amongst the people who subscribe to our daily lives.

but let us consider the true fact that it is us who is the perverse, we are the ultimate publicist to ourselves - what we filter of our lives and what we allow slip through the iron grip of our own little publicity mobile inside.

don't be a prezzilla

at this time of year, although its the time of giving and being with family, i think we forget our most basic of human nature - manners.

while you're waiting to pay for your last minute prizes, remember that you cannot always blame the cash handler for the lineup. realize that they had to get there before you, had to deal with grumpy and childlike customers for a full 8 hours and still try to act civil.

today i was in a lineup in a video game store and i knew it would be a while because i used to work in one. i noticed that the lady was there by herself and the lineup pretty much lined up around the store. she tried to maintain her calm but the people before me were being nitpicky and were undecided about so many things, they didn't realize they were contributing to a backup of customers.

the man behind me was noisily sighing and sipping away at his coffee. i thought of myself when it was me behind that desk and trying to maintain poise and grace, despite the growing lineup and the computers breaking down on me.

so finally, it was my turn and i bought my purchase and made a bit of small talk about how they were short staffed and i commended her for her efforts and told her it would get much better before it got much worse and she smiled (for once during the hour i was waiting) and i walked away.

just remember that we are all human.

they reduced me to this..

i could bitch and complain about certain people i work with that make my day and everyone else's day horrible, but i'd like to think i'm more mature than that and i will put it in a different perspective.

for those of you who still smile and greet everyone or even say hi or a simple thank you - dont ever stop.

no matter how hard the day is, how many times you get yelled at, how much you hear your name being whispered in the background, remember that you are who you are, you are always learning and you are human. you are better than them.

for example, even a simple hello or thank you to the grumpy messenger man makes his frown turn upside down and he is actually jovial and interesting to talk to.

never apologize for your mistakes. you make them, learn from them and then move on. you may make them again, but thats the only way you are going to learn - to keep making them until you get it. for some people, they can be burnt once and get it, and others take a longer time.

dont let gossip and nay sayers take away your dignity or reduce you to tears - you're letting them win.

always stand your ground. if you don't, people will trample all over you. be the better person.

and that is my rant of the day.

one more sorting shift to go.

being an MLA is g*y...

I'm trying my hardest not to use the "g" word in case I offend anyone using it, because using it would be using it in a negative connotation, for example using it in this instance is negative.

first off, let me clear the air and say those who have a passion for helping those who are in need are the most patient people in the world and i have nothing but utter respect for each and every one of them.

however, there are people out there who do this for nothing but a paycheck (of course i'm sure there's a bigger story behind that, but for now, i'm just going to generalize) and unfortunately for the time being, i'm one of them.

i hate being an mla.

there.

i said it.

i hate everything about it. i hate hospitals, i hate how dirty it is. i hate how i have to poke people, i'm SO BAD at poking. i'm sure there are worse, but i hate it.

i hate how i have to deal with whiny people all day - not only patients but other people in the lab. i don't want to fall into their abyss so i never say a word and try n get through work unharmed.

i hate how everyone talks about each other behind their back and even when they are around.

i failed to notice that we were still in elementary school.

i hate how people make assumptions and stick to it and never get to see the depth of a person.

i hate how my bosses get misunderstood and how miscommunication makes them the villain.

i hate shallow bitches who are so pussy whipped by their husbands/significant others that they can't make a decision on their own

i hate women who are weak and shallow, thinking having the newest, biggest, coach bag makes you a better person than those around you.

i hope one day people will realize their mistakes, learn from them and become better people.

i am counting the days until this is all over.

pray with me.