so i realize that i have absolutely no money for school/rent for the next couple months.
i've always been an advocate for FUNDRAISING...so ...i need to think of fundraising schemes ASAP.
i'll keep you posted.
BCIT OR BUST BABY!!
June 21, 2009
i dont know how i feel about...
...engagement photos.
are they really a necessity? professional ones anyway. i'm sure its wonderful to send out invites with the two of you happily embracing, etc...but are they really worth the money spent?
romantic and classic they are but ...shouldn't wedding day photos be those?
to me, i think the photos you take along the years you've been together should be your 'engagement photos'. thats just me.
are they really a necessity? professional ones anyway. i'm sure its wonderful to send out invites with the two of you happily embracing, etc...but are they really worth the money spent?
romantic and classic they are but ...shouldn't wedding day photos be those?
to me, i think the photos you take along the years you've been together should be your 'engagement photos'. thats just me.
June 9, 2009
for too long has my fate not been in my own hands..no longer.
i've come to a realisation that for several years now, i've been waiting for things to happen, hoping that my big break would come. i worked very hard, i did a lot of grunt work and late hours without seeing a single cent from the fruits of my labour. i listened to advice to go back to school and do something completely far off than what i wanted to become and during that time, it made me unhappy.
it made me realise my life wasn't going anywhere. i felt like i was going to be stuck in a dead end job that pays very handsomely, but lacks integrity and what i love about work - the chase.
the chase - most people like to use this to describe love and i guess it also describes the passion you have for what you want to do. my chase is doing things better, bigger and more creatively. my chase is not conforming to mediocrity and testing the borders, seeing where things can lead to. i don't want to be just any body, i want to be a somebody. but not a somebody in a way that would put my names in tabloid fodder, but someone who is known for never backing down on her career.
for too long, i've been letting my life go, i let a year slip by, working in a place i swore and vow i'd never end up because i absolutely despise ...well everything about it. i let emotions interfere and get my mind twisted as to what could be. i could settle.
i could settle, make a lot of money and putter on in life at an ordinary pace. i could get married and have kids before i'm twenty six and then put in more work until i can reach that golden age of retirement.
but where's the fun in that?
i was just accepted into school for marketing - which coincidentally is an umbrella term for what i've been passionate about for years - publicity and media relations.
and when i held that acceptance letter in my hand, i felt a rush of extreme happiness and i felt like someone pressed the GO! button. i could see a better light at the end of my tunnel and i already had in mind where i wanted to go for my practicum (Sony BMG Canada/Cossette) and how I would coordinate my clothes and work hard.
then about five minutes later, reality set in. the cards are different. i have rent to pay. i have bills to pay. i've got student loans i haven't paid off in full to pay.
how can i balance school and work? can i do it? i would have to work at my mediocre job .
but asides from my worries, i could see clearly where my life would be heading.
no more waiting and no more leaving my life in the hands of fate. its time for me to take things into my own hands and craft my future.
i don't know why but i think the fact that i was being static and not doing anything that really interested me at all - while my friends were travelling, getting married, finishing school, starting amazing new jobs made me realize that i had nothing to show for this past year and that i needed to slap my self out of it and do something that would make me the most happiest.
at first, i thought maybe what was missing from my life was marriage, being in a stable relationship, it seems almost a natural progression (albeit my parents' gentle but firm nudging) but i realize that makes me where i was originally at - which is sitting and waiting for things to happen.
but so many times before, i've put love before my career and for that it has suffered. and my heart and soul has suffered.
well the time of waiting is no longer because my brain has just switched to career mode.
we'll see where this takes me. this is my first entry towards my new future.
it made me realise my life wasn't going anywhere. i felt like i was going to be stuck in a dead end job that pays very handsomely, but lacks integrity and what i love about work - the chase.
the chase - most people like to use this to describe love and i guess it also describes the passion you have for what you want to do. my chase is doing things better, bigger and more creatively. my chase is not conforming to mediocrity and testing the borders, seeing where things can lead to. i don't want to be just any body, i want to be a somebody. but not a somebody in a way that would put my names in tabloid fodder, but someone who is known for never backing down on her career.
for too long, i've been letting my life go, i let a year slip by, working in a place i swore and vow i'd never end up because i absolutely despise ...well everything about it. i let emotions interfere and get my mind twisted as to what could be. i could settle.
i could settle, make a lot of money and putter on in life at an ordinary pace. i could get married and have kids before i'm twenty six and then put in more work until i can reach that golden age of retirement.
but where's the fun in that?
i was just accepted into school for marketing - which coincidentally is an umbrella term for what i've been passionate about for years - publicity and media relations.
and when i held that acceptance letter in my hand, i felt a rush of extreme happiness and i felt like someone pressed the GO! button. i could see a better light at the end of my tunnel and i already had in mind where i wanted to go for my practicum (Sony BMG Canada/Cossette) and how I would coordinate my clothes and work hard.
then about five minutes later, reality set in. the cards are different. i have rent to pay. i have bills to pay. i've got student loans i haven't paid off in full to pay.
how can i balance school and work? can i do it? i would have to work at my mediocre job .
but asides from my worries, i could see clearly where my life would be heading.
no more waiting and no more leaving my life in the hands of fate. its time for me to take things into my own hands and craft my future.
i don't know why but i think the fact that i was being static and not doing anything that really interested me at all - while my friends were travelling, getting married, finishing school, starting amazing new jobs made me realize that i had nothing to show for this past year and that i needed to slap my self out of it and do something that would make me the most happiest.
at first, i thought maybe what was missing from my life was marriage, being in a stable relationship, it seems almost a natural progression (albeit my parents' gentle but firm nudging) but i realize that makes me where i was originally at - which is sitting and waiting for things to happen.
but so many times before, i've put love before my career and for that it has suffered. and my heart and soul has suffered.
well the time of waiting is no longer because my brain has just switched to career mode.
we'll see where this takes me. this is my first entry towards my new future.
April 30, 2009
more poetry
night terrors
I can't sleep
When the horribles haunt my dream
They're not disfigured but familiar
They smile sweetly in conscious wake
But sink their teeth in flesh when you lay your head
The specialty is to crucify you
To every smidgeon of so called wrongs
But horribles believe indepenence
Equates the right to burn
Next thing you know
You're bounded upon their stake
They whisper to one another
They all know your fate
I wish the horribles would dissapate
But even consciously they never will
Playing devil's advocate
Is the only thing u can do
I can't sleep
When the horribles haunt my dream
They're not disfigured but familiar
They smile sweetly in conscious wake
But sink their teeth in flesh when you lay your head
The specialty is to crucify you
To every smidgeon of so called wrongs
But horribles believe indepenence
Equates the right to burn
Next thing you know
You're bounded upon their stake
They whisper to one another
They all know your fate
I wish the horribles would dissapate
But even consciously they never will
Playing devil's advocate
Is the only thing u can do
poetry
Soul
There's a girl
Walking in the snow
She may be bundled up
But her soul is raw and bare
He gutted up her heart
With every trick he had
He said he loved her dearly
But never had the time to show
A thousand years past by
And her lights are fading
Her hair is tossed
Her baggy eyes are bleeding
He promised everlasting love
And she followed blindly
He led her down his roses' thorns
Until her feet were cut and broken
One day the girl musters courage
And throws the blindfold away
She has to hurry fast
Or he will chain her to the ground
So she slips, she stumbles
Her bloody feet are cracked
Her eyes are weary from the struggle
But she knows something is waiting further on
There's a girl
Walking in the snow
She may be bundled up
But her soul is raw and bare
He gutted up her heart
With every trick he had
He said he loved her dearly
But never had the time to show
A thousand years past by
And her lights are fading
Her hair is tossed
Her baggy eyes are bleeding
He promised everlasting love
And she followed blindly
He led her down his roses' thorns
Until her feet were cut and broken
One day the girl musters courage
And throws the blindfold away
She has to hurry fast
Or he will chain her to the ground
So she slips, she stumbles
Her bloody feet are cracked
Her eyes are weary from the struggle
But she knows something is waiting further on
Addiction
Addiction is a terrible disease. I use the word disease because essentially, addictions don't make you any better and it can take a chokehold of your life.
Addictions come in all shapes and sizes: drugs,sex, alcohol, shopping, gaming, gambling, eating- none of these have positive outcomes.
A sign of an addict is a complete denial of having a problem.
Addicts face losing their loved ones over something they can't give up and most of the time, sadly, they do not make the right choice.
These addicts can get to the point of losing it all and they proclaim that they can and they will change. And of course those around them accept and they try once more.
But more often than not, addicts fail.
Old habits die hard, you can't teach an old dog new tricks, whatever saying you want to use.. It still means the same thing.
You can't blame them, you can blame yourself for thinking that they could quit cold turkey- but that would be too much to expect of one person.
And from here, standing on the sidelines of oblivion, you are faced with a moral dilemma.
Will you hide your eyes and pretend you see no evil, because you grasp desperately to the last straws of hope you have that one day they can break free from their oppression...
Or do you get up, dust your hands off and walk away from the situation? Because you too could be an addict for staying when it isn't right. Why should you suffer at the hands of another who is too self absorbed with themselves and people who will never learn?
And that, is the question of the moment.
Addictions come in all shapes and sizes: drugs,sex, alcohol, shopping, gaming, gambling, eating- none of these have positive outcomes.
A sign of an addict is a complete denial of having a problem.
Addicts face losing their loved ones over something they can't give up and most of the time, sadly, they do not make the right choice.
These addicts can get to the point of losing it all and they proclaim that they can and they will change. And of course those around them accept and they try once more.
But more often than not, addicts fail.
Old habits die hard, you can't teach an old dog new tricks, whatever saying you want to use.. It still means the same thing.
You can't blame them, you can blame yourself for thinking that they could quit cold turkey- but that would be too much to expect of one person.
And from here, standing on the sidelines of oblivion, you are faced with a moral dilemma.
Will you hide your eyes and pretend you see no evil, because you grasp desperately to the last straws of hope you have that one day they can break free from their oppression...
Or do you get up, dust your hands off and walk away from the situation? Because you too could be an addict for staying when it isn't right. Why should you suffer at the hands of another who is too self absorbed with themselves and people who will never learn?
And that, is the question of the moment.
February 5, 2009
dont judge the character until you're fully submerged.
lets face it, i'm not the perfectest crayon in the box. i've made a lot of mistakes, and i don't live a fairy tale life. there's only so much of a personae i can spin to look like she's got it all together - after all, as a PR, that's my job.
i've got a signature pose like every other girl on facebook, i worry about weight and diet, i'm a prolific video game master (i can wax poetically in squaresoft, sony, nintendo and microsoft), and i can turn on 'the bitch' in less than a heartbeat when i have to. i can also turn on the angel and the bargaining diva in the same amount of time.
i think people sometimes see an angle of me where it may seem superficial with earthly matters, with my sometimes expensive taste, but truly, i feel that i'm nothing without a bargain. there are times where i wish i could be a paris hilton, where i can shop at high end stores to waste away the hours of my day, but at the same time, i'm so grateful that i wont have that opportunity because it keeps me grounded and work hard for my money.
and when i work hard for my money and i make a big purchase, it makes it feel that much better.
people also see an angle of me as being a quiet person. i dont find it that way, i'm reflective and i choose the battles i need to fight and let go of the ones that aren't worth my strain, stress and voice. i've never thought of myself as 'quiet', but possibly, quietly scheming?
i think people also have the mistake of judging people by their initial character or what they let on, and unfortunately for them, they never see the gem that people can really be.
i know a handful of people who can see past the mess of a person and find a real diamond in the rough, and thankfully, these people are my friends. and maybe thats why they found me or maybe how i found them? to me, they are all beautifully flawed and i couldn't ask for anything more than what they are.
i hope that people look past their initial thoughts on the people surrounding them and find the gems that people can really be.
*end rant*
i've got a signature pose like every other girl on facebook, i worry about weight and diet, i'm a prolific video game master (i can wax poetically in squaresoft, sony, nintendo and microsoft), and i can turn on 'the bitch' in less than a heartbeat when i have to. i can also turn on the angel and the bargaining diva in the same amount of time.
i think people sometimes see an angle of me where it may seem superficial with earthly matters, with my sometimes expensive taste, but truly, i feel that i'm nothing without a bargain. there are times where i wish i could be a paris hilton, where i can shop at high end stores to waste away the hours of my day, but at the same time, i'm so grateful that i wont have that opportunity because it keeps me grounded and work hard for my money.
and when i work hard for my money and i make a big purchase, it makes it feel that much better.
people also see an angle of me as being a quiet person. i dont find it that way, i'm reflective and i choose the battles i need to fight and let go of the ones that aren't worth my strain, stress and voice. i've never thought of myself as 'quiet', but possibly, quietly scheming?
i think people also have the mistake of judging people by their initial character or what they let on, and unfortunately for them, they never see the gem that people can really be.
i know a handful of people who can see past the mess of a person and find a real diamond in the rough, and thankfully, these people are my friends. and maybe thats why they found me or maybe how i found them? to me, they are all beautifully flawed and i couldn't ask for anything more than what they are.
i hope that people look past their initial thoughts on the people surrounding them and find the gems that people can really be.
*end rant*
January 31, 2009
the big move
so i figure it would be healthy for me to document my big move.
yes i'm moving.
we decided on a perfect little slice of heaven in yaletown, around the middle of january. the first time we looked at it, i was already loving it but brian, being the more reasonable one of the two of us, suggested that we look at other places. so we looked and looked - no one answered our phone calls, so we decided to fill in the form and see what happens, i was wondering whether we'd get it or not but we would leave it to fate.
then, we received a phone call about signing a lease and it seemed like it happened so fast. i'm happy that my dad came to view the place before we signed the lease and we got the thumbs up from him.
so after that, my dad went crazy giving me everything for my new place : plates, cutlery, cups, mugs, rice, sugar, canned goods, you name it, he gave it to me.
i think the hardest part is packing my stuff because there's this looming feeling that i'm leaving - and although i'm so excited to move out, the reality is scary and sad because i've never been living on my own without my parents and i'm going to miss them dearly when i go.
god i can't even imagine if i moved all the way to toronto, i wonder how upset i would be!
anyway i hope that my parents come to visit me often and that i get to visit their place as much as i can.
i can't believe how much crap i have, i threw so much away but it seems like there's just more crap thats important to me than there is garbage. i feel awful because i dont want to clutter our brand new apartment with my junk, but for the time being, until i can get a chest of drawers and my desk and a filing cabinet, it will be a bit of an eye sore.
brian and i have been busy bees as of recently, in between work we are working on slowly moving into the apartment. the kitchen is set up and i just need to clean it up and buy some stuff for the fridge (monday). we went around today looking for beds and couches, we found a pretty affordable one in the brick (a bed ANd a sexy couch) - but my dad scored us a pretty nice deal at the bay so after much deliberation, we're going with the bay. the couch is out of stock so who knows when that'll come in, but we'll keep looking around for that.
i think the move is opening our eyes a little wider and we are starting to realize what the 'real' world is. we both are treading carefully in the waters, i know because we're both really tired from moving and working. but there are so many problems that need to be dealt with, hopefully they will be dealt with very soon.
anyway, thats all my thoughts for now. i have lots to do but i wanted to blog a bit about it and hopefully i'll continue to blog about my experience a bit more during the move.
yes i'm moving.
we decided on a perfect little slice of heaven in yaletown, around the middle of january. the first time we looked at it, i was already loving it but brian, being the more reasonable one of the two of us, suggested that we look at other places. so we looked and looked - no one answered our phone calls, so we decided to fill in the form and see what happens, i was wondering whether we'd get it or not but we would leave it to fate.
then, we received a phone call about signing a lease and it seemed like it happened so fast. i'm happy that my dad came to view the place before we signed the lease and we got the thumbs up from him.
so after that, my dad went crazy giving me everything for my new place : plates, cutlery, cups, mugs, rice, sugar, canned goods, you name it, he gave it to me.
i think the hardest part is packing my stuff because there's this looming feeling that i'm leaving - and although i'm so excited to move out, the reality is scary and sad because i've never been living on my own without my parents and i'm going to miss them dearly when i go.
god i can't even imagine if i moved all the way to toronto, i wonder how upset i would be!
anyway i hope that my parents come to visit me often and that i get to visit their place as much as i can.
i can't believe how much crap i have, i threw so much away but it seems like there's just more crap thats important to me than there is garbage. i feel awful because i dont want to clutter our brand new apartment with my junk, but for the time being, until i can get a chest of drawers and my desk and a filing cabinet, it will be a bit of an eye sore.
brian and i have been busy bees as of recently, in between work we are working on slowly moving into the apartment. the kitchen is set up and i just need to clean it up and buy some stuff for the fridge (monday). we went around today looking for beds and couches, we found a pretty affordable one in the brick (a bed ANd a sexy couch) - but my dad scored us a pretty nice deal at the bay so after much deliberation, we're going with the bay. the couch is out of stock so who knows when that'll come in, but we'll keep looking around for that.
i think the move is opening our eyes a little wider and we are starting to realize what the 'real' world is. we both are treading carefully in the waters, i know because we're both really tired from moving and working. but there are so many problems that need to be dealt with, hopefully they will be dealt with very soon.
anyway, thats all my thoughts for now. i have lots to do but i wanted to blog a bit about it and hopefully i'll continue to blog about my experience a bit more during the move.
January 1, 2009
happy new years
happy new years everyone.
i was reading one of my feeds and one of them was telling the story of richard roeper asking oprah a question that she was completely dumbfounded for any sort of answer.
and i want to pose this question.
what do you know for sure?
i was reading one of my feeds and one of them was telling the story of richard roeper asking oprah a question that she was completely dumbfounded for any sort of answer.
and i want to pose this question.
what do you know for sure?
facebook celebrity
facebook, in a perverse way, has made us into our own celebrity. since it's conception and our submission to its power, we have been growing up in the public's eye - no more different than your regular celebrity (if there is such thing).
our breakups, our friendships, accomplishments, goals, and even what we have for dinner is up for a conversation starter amongst the people who subscribe to our daily lives.
but let us consider the true fact that it is us who is the perverse, we are the ultimate publicist to ourselves - what we filter of our lives and what we allow slip through the iron grip of our own little publicity mobile inside.
our breakups, our friendships, accomplishments, goals, and even what we have for dinner is up for a conversation starter amongst the people who subscribe to our daily lives.
but let us consider the true fact that it is us who is the perverse, we are the ultimate publicist to ourselves - what we filter of our lives and what we allow slip through the iron grip of our own little publicity mobile inside.
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